Sadly, the FIOS internet router recently started acting up. It's Verizon equipment so I called them and had a somewhat inappropriate experience.
First, I tried to find a service number online. There online presence would glaldly sell me something or direct me to some automated help site but did not provide an actual phone number! If I live forever I'll never understand why companies, particularly on their help site, don't provide a phone number. Really guys, your customer, you know the one you paid a lot of money to acquire and would like to retain so you don't have to pay a lot of money to replace them has a problem and needs help! Failure to provide help does not improve the chance that the customer will continue to do business with you! It really really really doesn't!!
Oh well, I dialed 1 800 VERIZON. Go through a couple of IVR menu layers and get another phone number to call. Now lets go slow here, Verizon is the phone company. They know how to transfer calls. I've seen them do it. But no, lets not deliver service. Instead lets deliver the implied message that we don't want to deliver service. Dumb!
Call the second number, go through several more layers of IVR menus to get to one involving service for internet connections. Help is just around the corner ... NOT! Verizon wants to verify my account (never mind that when I finally do get to a human they'll ask me the same questions notwithstanding that I'm calling from a Verizon cell phone whose number will be used to pull up the account).
OK, lets verify the account.
Verizon wants to know my 10 digit account number, you know the one on your most recent bill. That's right, the bill you don't have since you pay your bills online and Verizon wants you to use paperless billing. Also, lets not worry that 10 digits is a BIG number. Lets see, there are more or less 7 billion people on the planet so 10 digits is big enough that we each get one and some of us can get two. Not to worry, they will verify based on the exact amount of the last bill. Duh, if I don't have the bill and I can't get online what makes you think I know the last amount? Dumb!
OK, lets try pressing 0 a few times to get out of the IVR to a human. Verizon's IVR is dedicated to its programming. 'I don't understand that response' a few times in response to my pressing 0. Things are not looking at all good.
Surprise, there are some clicks on the line. It seems that the IVR system will time out. Hurrah! Of course the implied message is 'Verizon is willing to waste the customers time but will reluctantly let the customer speak to a human'.
Human answers! Hooray! Human verifies account based on my cell phone number. Human wants to help but assumes I'm a nob. I explain that I actually know what I'm doing, at least a bit. Human has flow chart to address this class of problem and insist on following it. Oh well, at least there's hope.
Go down several obviously blind paths, go up and down between ground and 3rd floor several times (try to convince myself that's it's really part of my health plan), clear my browser cache unnecessarily, try a different browser on a different machine, reboot twice, reboot router twice, ... . Last reboot of router cures symptom. Human says all is well and the classic 'Can I help you with anything else today?'
Bite tong and carefully explain this is the second time in two days this has happened. Related problems have been happening for some time. I'm happy about the symptoms being fixed but lets try to fix the problem. How about a new router? Human says OK!
Success!
Now to give Verizon their due, they expedite shipping and I got the replacement router the following day! Now all I have to do is install it and ship the old one back.
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